


Listen to the Rain

by merlins_sister



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-23
Updated: 2011-09-23
Packaged: 2017-10-23 23:49:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/256464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merlins_sister/pseuds/merlins_sister
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Surviving prison is a state of mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Listen to the Rain

**Author's Note:**

> Written post revelations in Series 5 but pre season 6.

It was the quiet that upset her most of all. Well, she could hear the rain, but that was about it. The corridor outside her cell was empty of life. If she didn’t know better she would be convinced that she had been left on this rock to die, which, considering the length of her sentence, she had been.

She gripped the side of her bed tightly so she could feel the metal underneath her mattress. She was not going to cry. She was stronger than that. She knew when she made her decision to kill Donahue that this would be the consequence. Even though she had done so, killed one of her oldest friends, to save so many, she knew this would be the price she as an individual would have to endure. Because that was the thing with changing timelines, you ended up with no evidence that your actions were justified, just a body and the blood on your hands.

She took a deep breath to calm her emotions, forcing herself to focus on the empty shelves next to her. Well, nearly empty. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know what was in the jar. The lack of stimulation was going to be an issue, but she could make do with her memories. At least those of the good times.

She felt the tears fight for release again.

And then there was the Doctor... her beloved Doctor. Who had looked at her as he realised what she had done, despite his insistence that he would find another way, as if he did not know her at all. There was no way she was going to see him again. He hadn’t even shown up for her trial. She had thought he would have at least wanted to see justice done. But nothing.

She thought that was probably going to be the hardest thing to bear.

The rain was coming down more gently now, a hiss against her window. It had the possibility of becoming soothing. She would work on that. At the moment though she was distracted by the echo of footfall coming down the corridor. Two people by the sounds of it... men... one military, one not.

She stood up as the sound became louder, slowing as it reached her. She turned to face the guard who appeared at the corner of the bars.

“Dr Song, you have a visitor,” the guard said, glancing to his side slightly. “Your court appointed psychologist.”

River didn’t remember anything about being appointed a psychologist at her hearing.

“My...” she started, her voice stilling as the Doctor came into her line of sight. River forced herself to recover quickly. “Of course, Doctor. How could I have forgotten you?”

“Dr Song,” the Doctor said, his tone betraying nothing. He turned to the guard. “Thank you. You can go now.”

“Orders are to not to leave her with visitors,” the guard replied, glancing at River.

“I’m sure I’m quite safe with Dr Song,” the Doctor replied. “And even in prison she is entitled to some confidentiality.”

Taking one more glance at River the guard replied, “Five minutes then.”

River listened to the guard’s footsteps resonate back up the corridor, her eyes never leaving the sight of the Doctor standing in front of her. He, on the other hand, kept his eyes on the retreating form of the guard. When they finally turned to her she asked, “So, finally come to see justice done?” She fought hard to keep the anger out of her voice, to sound nonchalant, to sound like the old River.

She knew she had failed miserably.

He didn’t say anything for a moment. But then they were back to where they had left off.

“I told you I had a plan.”

He didn’t yell this time, but emotion was there in the undulating tones of his voice.

“Yes, you did.” She replied as calmly as she could but knew her emotions too were flooding her voice. “But I made the call.”

“To kill your friend.”

“To kill what was left of him,” she replied firmly.

“He could have been saved,” the Doctor said repeating his last words to her.

“Maybe. But I doubt it. Not him and everyone else.” She hoped he didn’t notice the pause where she had forced herself to say ‘everyone’ and not ‘you’. Probably not.

His hands were moving in the twitchy way that signalled to someone who knew him so well the storm that was coming.

“What gave you the right to make that decision?” he yelled, the sudden crescendo in his voice causing the words to echo around the corridor.

“What gives you?” she demanded back, her voice rising to meet his volume.

“I am the Doctor!”

“Doesn’t make you God!” She took in a deep breath. “And for the record some of us are capable of rescuing ourselves. You might like to remember that some time.”

“Hah!”

He spun away from her, striding towards the back wall. As he turned back he fired, “Rescuing people doesn’t involve killing innocent people in cold blood.”

“Bullshit! The greater good all the way through time has demanded that, and you know it.” She took a deep breath to slow her words before continuing, “And he wasn’t innocent. The man I had grown up with had died long before I pulled the trigger.”

“There were other choices,” he insisted.

“What choices?” River demanded. “I didn’t see any. Would you have rather sacrificed Amy or Rory? Explain to me, Doctor, why my choice was so bad.”

“Because you ended up here!” he yelled.

River stilled, her hand going to her mouth as she realised the turmoil inside the Doctor. This wasn’t about Donahue. This was about saving her. Again.

“You had to do it, River, didn’t you?” he said, his voice soft now. “You had to kill him in the most human way, knowing you would end up here to atone for it.”

“There was no other choice,” she replied, her choice of words echoing those she repeated to herself.

“Maybe,” he replied. “I think there were options... I had some ideas...”

“Okay, maybe no other choice in the time we had,” River said, trying to concede something to his anguish. “Doctor...”

He turned away from her again, finding the back wall. She fought the instinct to throw herself at the bars to follow him as far as she could.

He turned back. “And you want to know the real trouble with you and this situation,” he said, a sad smile on his face. “You can leave here any time you want to, but you won’t.”

River dropped her head, her heart racing at the thought that maybe the Doctor knew of the lipstick in her bra. When she lifted her head again the Doctor had reached the middle of the corridor.

“I had no choice,” she repeated.

“Won’t stop you punishing yourself,” he said. “You will keep yourself here until...” His voice faded off.

“Until what?”

His smile spread a little. “Sorry... spoilers.”

She let out a short laugh, though it could have been an attempt at a sob. And in that moment he was at the bars, his hands reaching for hers. She clung to his, pulling herself in as close as she could to him.

“Screw spoilers,” he said, his voice choked with emotion. “River, you have to believe me, this isn’t forever. You will be fine. There are people who do not believe the evidence shows them the complete story. They will give you chances. Take them.”

“Are you one of them?” River asked, unable to meet his gaze.

“Oh, River, sweetheart. If I thought you would come I would open this door now. I hate the thought of leaving you, but I know you need to do this.”

River managed to lift her eyes to his, the emotions swirling in them pulling them together. The bars made it difficult but their lips met in a determined kiss, wasting not an ounce of contact.

“You will be fine,” the Doctor said again after a few moments, though River wasn’t sure who he was trying to reassure this time.

River opened her mouth to reply but instead found herself distracted by the sound of a returning guard.

“Dammit!” the Doctor cursed. He pulled himself away, and River tried to tidy her emotions away.

The Doctor started patting his pockets before pulling out pens and a familiar blue book. “I found this,” he said, handing it over quickly. “I thought it might give you some comfort.”

River hugged the old journal to her. “Thank you.”

“The guards think I have told you to write a journal to help with your rehabilitation. Don’t disappoint them,” he instructed as he started to move away.

“Will I see you again?” she asked.

“As often as I can without making them suspicious of you,” the Doctor replied reassuringly. “In the meantime check out the jar on the shelf.”

“The jar? Why...” River stopped her question at the hand signal from the Doctor.

“Time’s up,” the guard said, looking between them.

“Fine,” said the Doctor, back into psychologist mode. “I think we have made a good start, don’t you, Doctor Song?”

“Very,” River replied firmly keeping her voice calm. “I look forward to seeing you again, Doctor.”

“And I you, Doctor.”

With a nod to her, and a gesture to the guard to lead the way he was gone. River stood at the bars listening to the echoes of the footfalls become more distant. Her head spun from the overdose of emotion, only stilling at one thought. He still loved her, still wanted to save her, even from herself. She smiled as she fell back onto the bed, her eyes drawn to the jar on the shelf above her head. Putting her precious journal under the pillow she reached up and pulled the jar down. Hesitantly she unscrewed the lid.

Her laugh echoed up and down the corridor as she reached in and pulled out the first jelly baby to be found in prison.

As the echo of her mirth faded away she knew she did have the strength to do this, to atone for her crime and the life she could not save. With the Doctor by her side still, she could do anything.


End file.
